A Big Fake

It’s really disturbing when you discover that most of the nice things that you do for others are fueled by the fake part of you that wants to make up for what the real part of you just said or did.

It hit me like a bad fish sandwich one night last week. I was talking to someone, and their facial expression led me to assume that perhaps I offended them somehow. I proceeded to go over in my head what I said that could have been questionable, and then immediately thought about offering my help to this person.  And that’s when it hit me.

I don’t serve to serve. I serve to keep people from thinking anything less than great of me. I serve to keep people from talking bad about me. I serve to keep people from being disappointed.

It happened again the night after that. There was some miscommunication which led to frustration between a friend of mine and myself, and on my way home I contemplated what I could do or say to make them like me and believe that I’m a sweet person. Because obviously they are gonna go home and bash talk the hell out of me for hours.

What’s that fun old saying? “You know what they say when you assume…..”

Shows how much faith and trust I have in my friends.

As grossed out as I am with myself right now, it’s almost kind of a relief. I think about the people I like the most. Typically, they can be real jerks, but there is something so genuine and honest about their butthole-ness. They’re not hiding the ugly parts of their personality. And to clarify, those people are not the same as the people who are jerks on purpose in an effort to push everyone away or to appear too cool for school. I can see right through that crap.

It’s exhausting when you live a life toiling day and night in hopes that everyone will be happy with you.

Would the world really come to an end if someone didn’t like me that much?

Will the ground crumble from beneath my soles if a friend went home and vented about how stupid I was?

Will the white horses with tattooed Jesus come swooshing down from the heavens if I failed to please everyone?

Well all of those things have probably happened a thousand times in my life, and yet… Revelation has not come to pass. Kurt Cameron is still making bad movies. Everything is still intact. Who I am is still fully there, even though I seem too blind to see it.

The true light, which gives light to everyone, was coming into the world. He was in the world, and the world was made through him, yet the world did not know him. He came to his own, and his own people did not receive him. But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God.  -John 1:9-13

I am God’s child. Period. That is all that matters. No one should be able to steal that confidence away from me, even in the worst of my offenses. Or shall I say, I should never allow anyone or anything to undermine my identification.

It almost makes me want to disappoint someone on purpose just to see what it feels like to not feel the NEED to please them selfishly. But I won’t do that.

R59

I’m pleased to share with you today that a family that has been a part of our church community has been called to Nakuru, Kenya to love their international neighbors and provide care for orphans. This is so exciting! They are going to uproot their entire lives to go serve others in need and nothing gets my blood pumping more.

Their website launched this morning, and you can read all about where they are going and why they are doing this. Check it out and think about giving whatever support you can offer, be it financially, spiritually or with words of encouragement! It’s not every day an American family chooses to leave behind a whole heap of worldly comforts to give all of themselves to people who are desperate for new life. They are going to need all of the love they can get! Click on the picture and it will take you over to their brand new site.

Look Out For This One

I’m really excited about this post because I get to talk about a family member! I really should do that more often.

Anyways, my cousin Hanah is an incredible person, a breath-taking beauty and a stunning actress. Last year she graduated from New World School of the Arts in Miami, Florida and right now is studying at the Chicago college of Performing Arts and majoring in Musical Theatre. If I can make it through this little blurb about her without crying, it will be a miracle because I’m just so darn proud of her! She’s been in countless plays and shows since she was I believe in elementary school (or maybe middle, I can’t remember) and I think people quickly started to see the talent that was boiling inside. The first time I had that feeling that I would be seeing her on Broadway someday was when she played a major role in Seussical the Musical. I was looking forward to this play because I knew she had a singing part, and I had never heard her sing before. Well… I was floored.

I’ve enjoyed watching her first year of college go by via Facebook and Instagram, and one of her classes is especially fun. She gets to put makeup on for a class! So jealous. Some of her creations are stunning, and I wanted to share them with you. Check it out!