Deny-ers and Obsess-ers

There are going to be some days when I completely fail as a mother.

This is true for all of us, but what really gets under my skin is moms who don’t believe this could ever be so for them. Or at least they wouldn’t ever admit it out loud.

But it shouldn’t get under my skin, which probably means there’s a little bit of that “denial” in me too.

When we deny that we fail, we will stay in that failure, and the same goes true when we obsess over failure.

I usually lean towards the obsessing. I don’t like when I fail. I’ll admit that I do it, but boy does it crush me. It can get me down so bad that I don’t even want to get out of bed.

My fleshly pride is disappointed in myself for not living up to it’s expectations of excellence and perfection, because now it has nothing to boast about.

If you want, read that last sentence out loud.

Pretty vile, huh?

It’s true for you too.

Don’t think you deny-ers are getting out of this one. That same fleshly pride tells you that there’s no way you have failed, because you are just so awesome. It’s your kids or your husband that suck! That pride makes sure that vulnerability and confession stay far far away.

Go ahead, read that out loud too.

Cause that’s probably also true for you as well.

I know it is, because I know it of me. And at the end of the day, we are all the same human-y humans. Coming from a home where one parent denied failure and the other one drowned himself in it, neither of these is going to be good for your children. (disclaimer- I love my parents, and my mom and I are working on things together. At the end of the day, I’m responsible for my actions- no one else.)

Stop denying your failures, and learn from them.

Stop obsessing over your failures, and learn from them.

At the end of the yucky day, confess, repent, and resolve to start over tomorrow.

I promise you, your children (or spouse, friends, co-workers, team members, community group, etc) will watch how you handle failure. Use it as a tool for grace, learning and the gospel.

Its not even 10 yet. You still have time to start the day over.

His Eyes vs. Mine

Life in Your Way lyrics

Last year, in a music-related post, I talked about the band Life in Your Way, and more specifically, their song This is Who I am, off of their Kingdoms album.

Well, it’s a song that sticks with me, and has recently come back in my life since I’ve started training for that 5k.

Running, much like life in general, is really hard (for me). There are endless reasons, situations, and people that make it difficult. On top of that, we as human beings, add the burden of who we think we are to that list of things that further our hardship.

It’s just really helpful, especially in a moment when you feel defeated because you are slightly overweight and extremely out of shape, when someone screams in your ear the lyrics from above. “He doesn’t see what I see…”

I am so thankful for that. Because what I often see (which I think I talked about in that post last year as well-haha) is someone who can never get it together. And it kills me.

I am so glad I have a God that looks at me with the eyes of THE creator, redeemer and sanctifier. When I really, REALLY settle on that for a moment, getting over myself seems doable.

If you are His son or daughter, the way you see yourself holds no weight against the truth of who you actually are.

Try and believe that today.

Oh, Hey 2013… Didn’t see ya there.

Guys….. how ON EARTH are we already half way through January of 2013? Why is time being so rude and rushing me through the month?

So you see, my lack of posts is not my fault. Ha.

No, but seriously, 2013, am I right? I’m excited, but already exhausted, for this new year. I don’t honestly know how super bloggers, who also happen to be moms AND who also have passions they are pursuing, blog every day. I’ve tried the suggestions and organization tips and all. But here’s the thing- I refuse to over-work myself into frenzy, which inevitably leads me down a path of emotional, mental, physical and spiritual destruction. That’s not a pretty sight- usually it looks like me in a constant state of tears and suffering from some kind of crazy illness.

If there’s any kind of New Years Resolution for me this year, it will be to pace myself.

I made such a ridiculous list of NYR’s last year, because it was the first time I’d actually written one out. Looking back at that list, it dawned on me that those kinds of projects and goals take YEARS for people to achieve, and that’s if you are super driven. I haven’t always had the “go get ’em!” attitude, so I have no idea what I was thinking. BUT- I did accomplish one resolution on that list:

Have a successful blog.

Some of you, I’m sure very boisterously, just laughed out loud. You are thinking, “Megan… c’mon, girl. Have you seen a successful blog? You don’t even have one ad on your page. There are barely any comments on your posts. You posted like 2 times last month!”

Here’s what I said to myself last January.

“If one single person tells methat they benefited from something I wrote in a blog post, then I will consider my blog a success.”

Well, that happened. In fact, it happened all year. My most difficult and painful posts, the ones that were accompanied by anger and tears and lots of talking to God, were the ones that were followed by texts from friends and family that said they “really needed to read that, so thanks.” It was especially affirming to read the rare, encouraging comment from a complete stranger.

Don’t get me wrong, the posts about hair and soap and thrift store shopping are fun, and I love doing them. They are things that I enjoy, and will continue to share them. But after doing this for a year, I can look back and see what I need to focus in on when it comes to this blog.

As you’ve read over the last 12 months, I’m afraid of  many things. But I am not afraid to share. So I’m gonna keep doing that, and hopefully you will stick around to read.

So what should you expect to see from Jude and the Walrus in 2013?

Remember how I said that I was going to pace myself? It’s true. But that’s one of a few of my goals for this year.

1) Pace myself

2) Keep pursuing God’s love for me, and in turn love my family better

3) Record and finish my first album

4) Run

There ya go. All of my posts are probably going to be stemming from one or more of these goals. And YES! I have finally started recording my first solo album (technically solo- even though lots of my friends will be participating in the process). I’ll be posting tid bits, teasers and explanations behind lyrics and so forth.

I’m planning on running a 5k the first week in March. I’m on my second week of interval training, and so far so good. We all know my hatred for this particular exercise, but I want to do this so badly. Feel free to solicit any and all encouragement.

There will be a new Jude and the Walrus blog layout coming at the end of March, including a new logo! My good friend Angie will be illustrating it for me, which I am very excited about. You can check out the portrait she did of our family if you click here.

So what about you? What are you planning to do this year? Let’s keep each other to our goals, and allow for mistakes and failures. Because, if there’s anything that 2012 taught me, it was that failure is a necessary tool that focuses your vision, helping you see what you were made to do.