Music has played a big part of what I have been becoming for as long as I can remember.
I was recklessly unafraid to share that part of me when I was very young, as my family members can testify to. There wasn’t a family gathering that didn’t include me putting on a show of either songs I liked or one that I wrote and it ALWAYS involved a costume.
Something happened along the way to where I am now that changed all that, and I have been fighting it ever since.
When did I become so afraid to sing? What happened that stifled this part of me?
I can think of many instances and situations over my teenage and adult years that brought about this strong withholding of who I am. I mean, I could spell them out for you but that really isn’t the point of this post. To revisit those painful experiences which ultimately became excuses is not where I need to go. Because that is all they were: EXCUSES.
I want to tell you about a musician that has brought about inspiration and even healing for me over the past 4 years.
The first time I heard Audrey Assad I about fell to pieces in the pew I was sitting on. This ordinary and yet so graceful women sat at the grand piano and played those keys as easy as she was breathing. Her voice I have always described as dove chocolate. Or if you could liken her voice to an instrument, it would be the violin, cutting deep and right to the core of you in such a soft and beautiful way. It was like all of a sudden I was reminded that I could do that, I could sing. I cried through a few of her songs because I was ashamed of who I had become; a musical hermit.
The song that started the change in my heart, “Known,” is a song about her intimate relationship with God. She uses similes like, “and as the swallow knows, she knows the sky…” to paint a picture of how well He knows us. This song was ultimately a big part of my spiritual awakening and healing, and if you go and listen to it, you will see why.
Over the years as I have been searching, healing and writing, her songs have stayed with me and I listen to them often to find encouragement. During this recent Christmas season her song “Winter Snow” played several times on one of the local radio stations and each time I heard it I would get teary-eyed, mostly because I was happy that her song was on the radio. That meant other people were hearing her too and perhaps feeling just as inspired as I.
She is about to release her new Album “Heart” this coming February 14th. In the album trailer, she goes into detail about some of the songs she wrote and how they came about. Please go watch this video. If you are ANYTHING like me, it will enlighten and encourage your day.
So where am I currently in my song writing and sharing adventure?
I’m definitely writing. A LOT. And I’m not trying to write what I think people will want to hear. I used to do that every time I sat down to write a song, which just ended up creating a huge block that I couldn’t figure out how to break. Luckily one of my very best friends had the courage to lovingly tell me to get over my ridiculousness and just play and sing whatever I want. That has stuck with me. I will need to do a whole new music post on the lovely Genie Uribe.
I’ve been writing much about fear and what it does to my visions and dreams, and even how it plays out in the practicality of my every day life. But I will say that I cannot WAIT to begin the process of sharing my music with others and on here with my readers.
What are some of the things you know you were created to do, and what about life has tried to stifle that part of you?