Last night I found myself overwhelmed. A familiar place of course.
What’s so unfortunate about it is that nothing was really wrong. Walls were not crashing to their foundation and the earth was not giving way under my feet. Daniel and I both had a long and productive day that ended in a sweet wedding shower for our friends Darren and Kay. We had a happy, sleeping baby in the car on the way home, who clutched the string of his balloon so very tight.
Sure, when we walked in the dishes were stacked. There were some toys scattered on the living room floor. Clothes laid strewn about in our bedroom.
My mind raced across the days events, and the days to follow. My chest felt like it was being wound by a key as each moment went on, eventually being to tight to budge.
I had to stop.
Close my eyes.
But it was not silent, you see because my heart was all tangled up in the triteness of life. And because my heart is directly connected to my head, loud noises continued to asphyxiate the peace.
“Hush,” says the Lord.
Be Still. (Psalm 46:10)
Look to Jesus. (Hebrews 12:2)
Hand your burdens over. (Matthew 11:28)
Do not worry. (Matthew 6:31)
Fear not. (Psalm 23:24)
Take heart. (John 16:33)
Rest. (Hebrews 4:10-11)
In that wonderful moment when I’m back on earth, I am tempted to envy the one who does not toil in worry.
All of these things that I do and all of the information I load myself down with; is it big picture or is it trivial?
I think I would like to say that most of what concerns me day in and day out is the gospel. But I’d be a liar if I said that.
I could say that it would be nice if we could just go live on a vast piece of land somewhere, eat what we grow and enjoy the simplicity. But I’d eventually find a way to complicate it.
Or I could imagine what it would be like to shut off all of my devices, and be technology free. But I’d eventually find a way to slave myself.
It’s my heart, and nothing else. Fix it, and all the substance changes. The STUFF may still remain, but what it is made of and how I choose to handle it is where the breakthrough lies.
“Deep in your heart, you feather and tar your folly and fear. Expose them all for the fools they are and the world becomes clear.” – Audrey Assad