Food and Comfort.

Yesterday was just crazy. It started late Sunday night while we were enjoying hang out times with our friends Ray and Allison. Our toilets flooded the hallway and my craft room, leaving the two hubs to clean it up. Around 1 in the morning Abram was consistently awake every 30-45 minutes until I finally took him out of his crib at around 5:30 and realized he was really working hard for each breath (judge me if you want, but I had no idea that was going on. I couldn’t hear any gasping and I just thought he was having a restless night because he’s been teething hardcore lately). We took him to the ER and he was extremely cheerful and energetic for not be able to breath very well. The doctors gave him a few breathing treatments and steroids to open up those lungs and sent us on our way with a crap load of prescriptions. The car was giving us trouble, and Daniel spent a good portion of the evening on the roof trying to figure out where the septic tank was to solve the toilet problem. We slept like the lifeless, most inanimate objects last night. All three of us.

Needless to say, I didn’t get a chance to post yesterday. Sometimes all of these things come at once and you just go into “get crap done” mode and be responsible adults. What was so surprising to me was that Daniel or myself never really freaked out or had a meltdown over all of the stuff. Whether it was a huge sense of peace, or we were just too tired to feel anything, we handled it pretty well and as a team. It felt good.

However…. I did find a great deal of comfort in food yesterday. Which leads me into the meat of what I want to share. Now I realize this is about to get pretty spiritual or “religious.” I know blogs like the kind I am trying to have usually keep it pretty light and positive. But I want people to see every part of me, not just the cute and “crafty” parts.

This is what I wrote in my journal this morning, and this was my written prayer afterwards:

Sometimes food is everything. This is a reality that I’ve been denying for a long time, because it is shameful and humiliating. Food makes me feel so good for those few seconds or minutes that I am eating it. My problems go away. I’m addicted to that comfort. I worship that comfort through food. Why? I hate this so much, more than any other time I’ve dealt with it in my life. I hate it because it makes me weak and leaves me feeling like a failure. I hate it because it means I am a little like my dad. I hate it most because it keeps me from feeling pretty and sexy (regardless of how he sees me) for Daniel. I want to hate it because it comes between God and I, but truthfully I don’t think about that nearly as much. I’ve turned two inherently good things into evil idols of worship: food and comfort. I’m not getting my refuge and sustenance from God because I’m not seeking it out.

Father,

I want to overcome this so bad. But I just realized it’s for the wrong reasons. It’s all wrong, every bit of it. I’m trapped, enslaved, chained to this sin struggle. I need you to save me from this. It’s just another confirmation that I’ll never stop needing the gospel. As painful as I can imagine this is going to be, please break me of this sin. It’s roots are deep, possibly to the darkest caves and trenches of my sub-conscious and soul. It’s probably going to be bloody, so please douse the wounds with grace and mercy, never ceasing to show me how much You love me. I want to come out of this strong, and proclaiming your name.

Your Beloved,

Megan

 

As hard as it is to reveal the parts of myself that I painfully don’t want others to see, I believe it’s necessary. Transparency will lead to victory. Here’s my struggle right now. What’s yours? Like my pastor said on Sunday, “We are all addicted to something.”

Getting Things Done.

At the beginning of January, I made goals for 2012 (as most people did), but this is the first time in my life where I actually wrote them out and displayed them. I really, REALLY want to be intentional and accomplish some rather large things this year. However, I know myself. And myself is not a very organized or disciplined self. I usually tend to be a whimsical, fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants type of person that thrives on creativity…. when I feel like being creative.

Now how many of us are just like that, and how often do we actually get a good amount of stuff done? Haha. The answer to that is probably embarrassing, right? Oh, those of you that are so organized and proactive, how we envy thee (seriously though, I know I do).

So responsibility and maturity (along with other grown-ups that speak into my life) say that I need to overcome this weakness I have and get organized, so that my time is spent to its maximum potential. Apparently doing this will actually help me accomplish stuff (who knew?)

Here’s a few things that I am doing to develop this discipline that I encourage you to do if you are just like me:

-Read Jon Acuff’s stuff. Follow him on Twitter. Do whatever you can to be motivated by him. He is the author of “Stuff Christians Like” and the more recent book titled “Quitter.” A fantastic satirist and motivator, he will definitely encourage you to accomplish your goals and turn your dreams into reality through his writing and #finishyear.

-Follow Michael Dalton on Twitter. He is a pretty neat friend of Daniel and I, and he is constantly tweeting and re-tweeting  creative and challenging words that help me get off my lazy butt.

-Come up with some kind of visual that organizes your daily, weekly and monthly goals. Here’s what mine looks like:

Nothing special to it right now. Just a dry erase board I swiped from church (just kidding, I asked my pastor) and some markers. I sectioned the board in to three separate parts: Today, This week, This Month. So far it is working out great, because it is helping me see the big picture. What I can do today will help me finish what needs to get done this week, which will accomplish the months goals which will finally help me meet my goals for the year. Now playing the guitar for an hour today doesn’t feel like a dead end because I know that this month I want to have two new songs written, which is two more closer to that full length album I want to finish before December.

So what tools and resources do you use to keep yourself organized and motivated?

My Transformed Creative Space!

Well as I said in a previous post, my craft room was transformed! While I was at a leadership class Sunday afternoon my sneaky mother-in-law came over and turned it into an organized space that leaves me to open and creative thinking without all the clutter. Here are some pictures.

new curtainsShe found a very long curtain rod at a thrift store and bought some curtains, and now the kitchen and the craft room are separate! I’m so happy about this, because now I can make things without looking over and feeling bad that there are dishes to wash. She also hung up two cloth shoe organizers on each side to stuff my felt and other fabric in.

She took my fantastic peacock scarf and turned it into a window curtain, and set up a 3 tiered organizer to make more room for my table. Right above that organizer on that empty wall will be some shower rods that my friend Joanna mentioned I should use in a previous comment to hang my fabric on. Those will be installed next week.

Kim did a great job of utilizing shoe organizers! In this she put many of my tools and lace so that they aren’t scattered everywhere underneath me or on top of my table.

Kim hung this small paper and desk supply organizer so that I can arrange my bills and keep them updated. This is going to help so much!

Shelves! Glorious Shelves. Always great for stacking stuff on. These were much needed.

So I am pretty happy with my new creative space. There’s a sense of freedom when I walk in there. Like I said, we still have some more things to add, but it is exponentially better than it ever was when I tried to organize it.