October always love a Change.

Every year around the beginning of October, when it’s time to go to Catalyst, Daniel or I (or both of us at the same time) ends up with a new job situation. This year it’s my turn.

I know I haven’t been hanging out in this blog for a while (4 months actually), and there’s been so much going on. It was quite a summer… definitely one for the books.

A series of small events led me to make a silly video, and that silly video and the people who got behind it raised us enough money to start a business based around a product I created called Beard Sauce. I also started working at Starbucks this past June, and the call to community living through my church got louder this summer as well.

It’s been nuts. Like 4-hours-of-sleep-a-night nuts. It’s been the most living I’ve ever done. Like real, going beyond all the doubts and fears I’ve always had, shouting out of freedom and sleeping when your dead kinda living. I’ve had some pretty painful downtimes as well, but those were every bit a part of the living.

So whats next for me, huh?

Well, some of you will be happy to hear that I will have more time to devote to Jude and the Walrus again, as today was my last day serving coffee at Starbucks. My full time job will basically be Beard Sauce, finishing my album and hanging out with the people that are placed in my life. I’m gonna need a platform to write about it all as it happens, and this blog is where that will take place.

I know I’m not a terribly consistent person. I just like to do EVERYTHING, but I’m learning how to hone in on a few things at a time and finish stuff with excellence.

This blog isn’t finished yet, though. I feel like we’ve got years to cultivate this bad boy.

Man O’ War.

So one of my new year’s goals back in January was to write and record an album. This is the first season of my life where I have felt both the need and the courage to do this, so I’ve been tackling it for the past two and a half months. The process of writing has been wonderful, and it usually flows out of me when the hurricanes of a bad day hit. I didn’t originally have a plan for this album; I just knew I wanted to do it. But as I’ve written, this project has turned into a concept. I never thought I’d be the author of a concept album, because usually my writings and lyrics are so sporadic and don’t really ever flow. But as I’ve been writing, I’ve noticed a common theme, the idea that ties them all together: the sea.

I wrote this one song a month ago on Valentines day, and just recently arranged the music for it. Hopefully Daniel and I can get a rough track done soon. I’d like to share with you the song, but also the thoughts I wrote down before the lyrics came rushing out.

I imagined the idea for this song on my way home from surprising Daniel with his valentine. Earlier I had written about a deep sin struggle, and was reflecting when I thought about the time my sister got stung by a man o’ war jellyfish. I thought about how it wrapped around her body, its tentacles penetrating her skin with its thousands of anchors stuck to her and in her. When they finally got it removed, she was torn up, bloody, swollen and paralyzed. She was unable to move for two weeks. When my sister saw the jellyfish, she went after it because she thought it was a ball. She had no idea that lurking beneath the water were long, dangerous tentacles that were very harmful and potentially fatal.

I liken it to sin. Enticing and often seemingly good and harmless, we chase after something and don’t realize we are about to be consumed by it. Sin burrows into us and holds us captive. And when God decides to rid us of our parasite, we can often be left bloody, broken and barely standing. We eventually heal and come out of it stronger, wiser, more humble and exponentially more compassionate.

However, the stronger the sin, the deeper those anchors go and the more painful it is to have them pulled out. Sin equals death, so when I think about death being pulled out of us, removed by its roots, it is nothing short of a hellish sight.

I want this song to be honest and graphic. I want to take the imagination to a place that paints a realistic picture of what this process is like. In the end, it is worth every bit of pain and terror.

Like a child to a ball
Are my eyes fixed on this
As the child goes after the toy
I will lie cheat and kill to get it
Grabbing it tight
And my eyes shutter with satisfaction
This thing has swallowed me whole

Like a man o’ war anchored into my skin
Deep are the veins that fill with poison
Wrapped around me
Squeezing
Consumed

Don’t rip them out
You’ll tear at my skin
If only gently removed
You might not hurt it
Terror fills my eyes
And the pain leaves me sick
Now I sit in my massacred mess

Like a man o’ war anchored into my skin
Deep are the veins that fill with poison
Wrapped around me
Squeezing
Consumed

Like a child to your knee
Are my eyes fixed on you
I can move whole again
Battle scars were once wounds
Your hands saved me
Thanks for pulling death and I apart
Now I see through new eyes