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Even On Days Like These

Even on days like these

Some days I don’t want to be a mom.

Today is one of those days.

Every moment of motherhood feels like a strike against my selfishness, a blow to my pride, or just utter failure. Mixed in with all of that of course is great piling heaps of joy and abundant laughter. I could not have imagined how much better my life would be before I had them, and I’m very grateful for these two silly boys. But choosing to get up every day and be Abram and Emery’s mom is to choose to die to my flesh, and some days, I’m so sick of it and I just want to do what I want to do.

I want the day to go my way. I want to take off just for fun, and I’d really like to not be responsible for someone else’s well being.

But even more, the hardest part on days like these, is feeling so small and insignificant. Day in and day out, with the diapers and the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and the spoiled laundry and the apologies for freaking out over jumping on the couch and the NEVER ENDING teething; it starts to feel like I contribute nothing to the world.

It’s a lie, I know. But in a culture that marvels at dream chasers and hustlers, I get to feeling worthless.

And on these days where my flesh burns hot and wants nothing more than to take over while I’m sobbing next to the crib because the baby won’t nap, and I’m still in my pajamas and I wish I could lose 30 pounds, I’m so glad I have a God to weep to.

There are meltdowns that only my Creator can comfort. I’m always surprised by days like this, and find myself angry for not being better, like HOW COULD I POSSIBLY BE FEELING THIS WAY FOR THE THOUSANDTH TIME… but He’s never surprised and I don’t think He’s angry at me either.

to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness. – Ephesians 4:22-24

This is what happens when I go to him instead of stew in my own muck. It usually looks like a disaster at first, a few words here and there through the sobs and snot. But once I get it all out enough to approach repentance and ask for help, I start to feel like I’m being given strength. My flesh starts to let up on the clench it’s had on my heart all day, and peace trickles into my mind.

Confessing to others is big, too. Sometimes it takes any shred of humility I can muster up to message my friends and tell them how I’m feeling and ask for prayer. But I always feel a little more sober-minded afterwards, which is one of the beauties of living in communion with other believers.

I know most of us wish putting off our old selves could be easier and look a lot more dignified, like some kind of formal ceremony. It’d be much better if someone could just knight me with a Bible and then I’m magically new. But that’s not what it looks like at all. It’s approaching Him, day in and day out, asking for the same help, over and over. It’s confessing to my people. It’s quiet, it’s repetative, and the reward isn’t instant perfection but the hope that maybe I won’t be such a selfish person all day long. 

God ALWAYS wants to be my father.

Even on days like these.

Tim Soap

Ok friends. I hope you are ready to enjoy some soap, because this is the best kind around!

I have a friend named Tim. He makes soap, collects weird instruments, and is moving to Africa in January. He needs support!

The best thing about Tim Soap is that it has the most minimal amount of ingredients, but produces the most hydrated and best feeling skin. My current favorite is the chocolate peppermint, or as I like to call it, the “Peppermint Patty.” This one simply contains goat milk, silk, cocoa powder and peppermint essential oil. That’s it! All of these things are highly recommended for nourishing and naturally cleaning the skin. Peppermint essential oil also does wonders with a tight, stressful chest and a tension headache. It’s only $5 a bar!

He has several different bars that are up for grabs. Here’s a list of them and there ingredients!

Baby Skin– $5: baby powder frangrance oil, goats milk, silk and sandalwood powder. This is a great one for exfoliation!

Man Soap– $5: liquified frankinsense resin, anise essential oil, sweet orange, cedar wood, ylang ylang and silk. There’s nothing feminine about this one!

Close Shave– $3: bentonite clay and juniper berry essential oil. This one gives a crazy lather, and is also a good bath soap!

He even has an unscented bar for $3 for those who simply want to clean themselves without the frill.

The packaging will look much better once the lovely AlliRay gets her hands on it, and we will be selling it at the Lake Desoto Farmers Market next weekend!

Sounds awesome right? Not only do you need to grab some of these up for yourself, but they also make fantastic stocking stuffers, leaving the entire stocking smelling so fresh and so clean.

Now I understand that soap is soap. We can buy it virtually anywhere, so why would anyone take the time to order this stuff? Well, let me tell you about Tim, and maybe that will sway your vote.

Tim goes to my church, Church on the Way. If you want to hear complaints, bickering, gossip, negativity, and all of the other crap that we tend to consume ourselves with on a daily basis, then DO NOT go to Tim. Most conversations with Tim consist of instruments, soap, coffee, music festivals, tattoos and the neat adventures he’s been on. Over the summer, he lost his house to the terrible flooding from the storms up here in North Florida, and at one point was riding his bike something like 40 miles a day to get to work. When he needs a place to rest his head, he has one, even if it’s not the most convenient. In the couple of years that I’ve had the pleasure of being in a church community with Tim, I’ve never once heard the man complain. If you want to meet a man who actually looks like a Christ follower, then this is your guy. He’s moving to Africa to join Brie Demott, our other international missionary, to love on orphans and serve Nakuru, Kenya however he can. If you want to know more about Tim’s life and his calling, then clear here and contact him!

So are you ready to buy some soap? If you are interested in supporting Tim and also having the best skin, then email me at meganontheway@gmail.com and we will get your soap ordered right away!