Jesus

You Memorize Me.

Today has started off pretty weird. I woke up to two sets of great news, and two sets of terrible news. One being that 8 students from the high school in my town got into a car accident last night. One of them died, and the rest are in critical condition (as far as I know). Many of you know that myself and a group of leaders are going to Catalyst this week (because of my constant, insistent Facebook statuses that people help us out with tickets). All of our tickets were provided for as of early this morning.

It makes me feel ridiculous, amongst tragedy and the loss of a young life, that I was worried all last week about how we were gonna make it to the conference.

Beard Sauce was able to sell 55 bottles in four days, allowing us to be able to release at least 2 Christmas Scents in November.

Oh, and the government is in shutdown.

It’s just like- what the hell is happening? What is the right thing to be feeling right now?

My heart is so broken over these high school students, their families and friends, and all of the teachers effected (if you talk to Jesus, please stop and say a prayer right now).

But I feel grateful at the good news about how things have been provided for, and complete apathy towards our government and how corrupt everything is.

And if any of this makes me sound like a complete B-hole, I’m so sorry. I’m just trying to process my morning, and figure out what’s best for the rest of the day.

This is a song that comforts me on weird days like this. I don’t know even know me or know what’s happening around me, but I know that my creator does.

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March Writing Challenge Day 7: That Damned Wrong Side of the Bed

Failure and I meet again in this place

Even now it seems I’m failing as I fill up this blank paper’s space

I have no idea what day it is

And I don’t really even care

This day has my permission to be over now

Tired of being caught in the devil’s snare

I call myself a creative writer

But I can tell by her passive look

That on her college degree standards

She’d scoff if I told her I’d like to write a book

And then sometimes I can literally just be breathing

And someone’s gonna find fault in that

Angry, bitter, jealous little liars

Enemies I feel I must combat

I fail and fail over and over again

Try to set my own bones, hoping for just one small win

I insist, most days, that I do this on my own

Hence the perpetual failures

I’m like a plant that refuses to grow

On days like today I find myself hating my sin condition

Which means on all the other days

I ‘m too loud and too proud to listen

I go on thinking that I’m all right, I’ve got it together

Which urges me to condemn my fellow soldier

And right through that gracious love I sever

Cut in half the gift I didn’t deserve

Well, if I refuse to take it

Why would I ever give it to her

This is so filthy

Downright shameful to even share

But I’ll make myself share it anyway

And in doing so lay that shame bare

I don’t feel much better

In fact, I’m more exhausted than before

I need you so deeply, Jesus

Remind me of your love once more.

Holy Sanctification Process Batman, What the Crap is Happening?

What an insane 24 hours it has been. We all know one of the reasons why, and for the sake of all of our sanity, I won’t talk politics.

Last night my son woke up at around 3:45 in the morning. Typically when this happens, something spiritually fishy is going on, but I was drugged up on NyQuil, so Daniel handled it.

I woke up this morning to my phone being blown up with texts about friends in the hospital. Seizures, brain bleeds, emergency open heart surgery, respiratory infections…. THE WORKS!

How quickly God can put into perspective what is most important.

How quickly God can remind us of WHO is actually in charge.

Today has been physically and emotionally exhausting, but spiritually I feel SO ALIVE. I feel like my church family is suffering together, and suffering well. I haven’t really realized, until today, how much we love each other. It’s incredible and perhaps a snapshot of what heaven will be like (without the pain, tears, and weird hospital socks).

As wounded soldiers who are having to get their broken bones set and bandaged up, we are all leaning on each other for help, and it may be one of the most humbling and amazing times of my life.

If you are of the kind that prays, pray for Church On The Way. Pray for endurance, rest, strength, courage, hope and faith.

God is walking with us through the valleys.