I know that my blog posts are so spaced out, and I really apologize. We have been without a computer for several weeks now. We’ve had three computers die on us over the course of the summer, and it’s just been the dumbest thing. So I am reduced to blogging in my spare time at work.
Anyways, one day I will get to the real meat of the Break All My Bones series on here, but here is some more of that.
Fear is something that has always ruled my life, and just recently has God really been pulling that out of me by it’s bloody root. To help my mind accept that living in fear is not living at all, I ordered some vinyl lettering from my job and put it up on the bedroom wall right next to my bed. This stuff is big, bold, and and blunt. It’s the first thing I see when I wake up in the morning, and the last thing I see when I go to bed.
IT IS THE TRUTH. It is reality. And it is helping me immensely.
What keeps you from living life with joy, peace, passion and rest?
Last night I found myself overwhelmed. A familiar place of course.
What’s so unfortunate about it is that nothing was really wrong. Walls were not crashing to their foundation and the earth was not giving way under my feet. Daniel and I both had a long and productive day that ended in a sweet wedding shower for our friends Darren and Kay. We had a happy, sleeping baby in the car on the way home, who clutched the string of his balloon so very tight.
Sure, when we walked in the dishes were stacked. There were some toys scattered on the living room floor. Clothes laid strewn about in our bedroom.
My mind raced across the days events, and the days to follow. My chest felt like it was being wound by a key as each moment went on, eventually being to tight to budge.
I had to stop.
Close my eyes.
But it was not silent, you see because my heart was all tangled up in the triteness of life. And because my heart is directly connected to my head, loud noises continued to asphyxiate the peace.
“Hush,” says the Lord.
Be Still. (Psalm 46:10)
Look to Jesus. (Hebrews 12:2)
Hand your burdens over. (Matthew 11:28)
Do not worry. (Matthew 6:31)
Fear not. (Psalm 23:24)
Take heart. (John 16:33)
Rest. (Hebrews 4:10-11)
In that wonderful moment when I’m back on earth, I am tempted to envy the one who does not toil in worry.
All of these things that I do and all of the information I load myself down with; is it big picture or is it trivial?
I think I would like to say that most of what concerns me day in and day out is the gospel. But I’d be a liar if I said that.
I could say that it would be nice if we could just go live on a vast piece of land somewhere, eat what we grow and enjoy the simplicity. But I’d eventually find a way to complicate it.
Or I could imagine what it would be like to shut off all of my devices, and be technology free. But I’d eventually find a way to slave myself.
It’s my heart, and nothing else. Fix it, and all the substance changes. The STUFF may still remain, but what it is made of and how I choose to handle it is where the breakthrough lies.
“Deep in your heart, you feather and tar your folly and fear. Expose them all for the fools they are and the world becomes clear.” – Audrey Assad