renewal

jatwsale

With Every Season….

So, on Monday I said I had an announcement to make, and I figured that it would be best to share it as soon as possible. I guess this could be considered a sad announcement, but not really!

While I was away being refreshed and getting some much needed color, God made some things very clear for me. The past few months has involved much narrowing down of commitments and passions, as I’ve shared in previous posts. I felt, last week, that God was continuing that process of elimination, and I feel very peaceful about the conclusions. With that said, this blog is going to change. This will no longer be one of my main focuses. Wait, don’t be upset! Let me finish.

One of the conversations I had last week with someone who is very passionately pursuing his gifts shared with me that even when God takes away a desire and replaces it with a new one  (or a RE-newed one), that it is still wise to fulfill your commitments until it’s completion, and continue to steward your gifts accordingly.  I have no idea if that makes any sense. Let me see if I can make that sound a little more coherent.

My desire for music has be re-awakened. With that came the diminished drive to do Jude And The Walrus, blog and etsy shop included. It was a feeling I started to have a couple of weeks ago, but was sort of in denial about it because I was finally getting the hang of the whole blog thing. I feel such a strong magnetism to writing music, singing, and becoming better skilled at the instruments I love. I even kinda want to get into the engineering and production aspect of music, and I couldn’t have married a better person to teach me how to do that!

Like I’ve said SO MANY TIMES, I’m only one person. And I committed a while back to stop committing so much- hehe. I feel peaceful about this decision.

Here’s where the stewarding my gifts accordingly comes in. Jude And The Walrus is not over for good. I will still be posting, but just not as much. The posts that I do share will be words that I feel God has given me throughout the week, and so there will be a lot less posts about thrift store finds, hair, etc. I will also be closing my Etsy shop. HOWEVER, I will still gladly make accessories of all kinds for anyone who wants them. So orders will become “upon request only” starting in July.

And now for the fun part of the  post…

Yep! I want to get rid of all my goodies on etsy, so from today until June 30th, everything in my shop will be 50% off! There’s only one of each thing, so if you want something, don’t wait! Click here or the “Shop JATW” button in the right top corner to snatch it all up! Use coupon code SUMMER12 at checkout, and purchases of 2 or more accessories will get a surprise accessory for free!

Ok, go!

Venti Iced Coffee and braided shoes

Wordy Wednesday: Bombs Away

Some days all that keeps me going is lots of talks with God and a Venti iced coffee with a shot on top.

Today is one of those days.

It’s not necessarily a bad day, but I am fully exhausted.

Let me preface the rest of this post by telling you that Daniel is going on a leader/pastor-in-training retreat Friday night, and I leave for Panama City next week to lead worship for a camp. So keep that in mind as I share. I’ll bring it back around, I promise.

Yesterday morning, Abe woke up with a fever of 101.6. That’s not terrible. Just a little fever, and no other symptoms. He spent most of the morning on my lap or playing close beside me. Now, yesterday I had planned on setting aside the majority of my time to hashing out the music for this camp. By the afternoon, however, Abe’s temp had rose to 102.5 and he was a blob. He didn’t want to leave my side or the couch. We laid down most of the day, until I took his temp again at four, and it was at 103.1. Medicine, cold baths and fans were not working, and the rising temperature was alarming. I took him to the doctor, and by the time we got there, it has rose even more to 103.6. I was starting to freak out a little bit inside,  but doing my best to be a big girl and keep it cool for my kid. They did all of the general checks, and there was nothing they could find. They then decided to do a urine check, but we couldn’t get Abe to pee, so they had to use a catheter. I probably don’t need to say how horrible that was for everyone. Nothing turned out to be wrong with his pee, so they sent us home. Praise the Lord, his temperature dropped steadily for the rest of the night. Needless to say, the day was not productive at all.

Weird, huh?

I was pretty anxious and upset last night, and Daniel and I decided to talk it out before we went to bed. A lot of stuff came up about life in general, and we talked a bit about this weird funk I’ve been in for about a month and a half now. I discovered, through a really painful conversation and many tears, that I’ve been putting all of my faith, joy and worth in my hubs. I grew up working really hard to get the approval, or even just a smile, from my dad. I knew that had carried on into my marriage, but I didn’t feel or see the reality of it until last night. For two years now, I’ve been working myself silly to get this other person to like me (even though he already does) and prove to him that I can be a perfect wife.

I have massively failed at my mission. Thank God for that.

I’m a “flight” person. When something gets too big or overwhelming, like failure, I check out. Well, after two years of feeling like a failure (completely brought on by myself) I decided to shut off weeks ago. I didn’t do this intentionally, it just happened. This has caused much tension between Daniel and I (particularly in the intimacy department….get over it, we’re all adults here!), and a great deal of distraction from living life.

I didn’t sleep very well last night. It took me forever to finally drift off, and by the time I really got into sleeping, Abe woke up with a fever again. We had to bring him into our bed and help him get back to sleep, which took quite a long time. We got maybe another hour. I spent many moments in the middle of the night praying for relief and rest. It didn’t come. Sometimes that’s just the way it is.

Remember what I said early about that retreat and camp?

This morning, while I was taking a shower, two things hit me.

1) The devil absolutely hates me, and is going to go to great lengths to ruin my life (and the lives within my family), especially in the thick of trying to love others and lead. New things are happening. What better time than now for that bastard to drop some bombs, ay? I mean seriously? The day I plan to work hard on something important and time sensitive is the day my son gets a freak-fever with no explanation.

2) The theme at the youth camp I’m going to next week is “Fighting for Joy.” Hmmmm…. thought I had that down a few years ago when I was under Jesse Carbo (who is heading up this camp). Sounds like I need a refresher course. Now it becomes more than just helping out at a camp. Now it becomes living life honestly with a bunch of teenagers I don’t know for a week.

The gospel is ALWAYS fresh, and we will ALWAYS need it. If you’re the kind that thinks the gospel is something you achieve when you say a prayer and then try to get other people to accept, then you are sadly mistaken. It is a never ending love story about of justification, redemption, renewal and untamed glory. It is a work inside of you that will not be complete until the day your spirit leaves this place.

Today I will press on. Today, you will press on.

In the meantime, pursue God, and pursue Him hard. Be aware of the attacks and distractions, and be thankful for the awareness of them. They usually mean that you are on the right track.